Dawning Of A New Day



dawning of a new day Dawning a new day is invigorating. It is that fresh and clean feeling we have when we come out of the shower as we are now awake and ready to take on the day. If you are like me (and old enough to remember the Dunkin Donuts commercial of “Time to Make the Donuts” when he drags his feet and scuffles along) you are not fully awake until you hit the shower. Maybe it is the hot water slamming you in the head that takes the mind from dream land into reality? I do not know really but whatever it is about the shower, it awakens you and you are ready to take on the day.

The Eye Opener

The untimely and shocking death of Trey Pennington this past weekend has caused great sadness and really took us by surprise. We thought he had it all. A great career, hundreds of thousands of followers, a beautiful family, a grandson that he loved so very much but yet while some in his inner circle knew of his pain, the depths of it were unknown. He made the decision to drive to the church and take his life. If he only called someone and said it is really bad right now, if he only went to his family, his pastor, a stranger, if he only … This is what we have so much sadness about. He was in so much pain that he could not tell anyone. Fear? Shame? Emptiness? We will never know but we can learn from this.

In reading Jay Baer’s post today, it really took hold of me and I could not get it out of my head yesterday. He is right, we do not know Jack and there is a very prevalent opportunity of lie. His post puts a lot into perspective and actually prompted this post (so, I sincerely thank you Jay).

The Opportunity of Lie

We can lie our asses off in social media. We tell people what we think they want to hear. We are afforded so little time as the we have to move on to the next thing as if we are not keeping up with the Jones’ we are forgotten. We have to be in the thick of it all to stay ahead. Pretty sad when you think of it as we are only thought of when we are telling the people what they need to know and providing a means of helping them. Let’s face it and not sugar coat it. No one likes a downer. No one likes to hear more than one conversation of someone who may be struggling (unless they can throw in if you buy my course, it can help) and having a very difficult time finding work, paying the bills, is losing their home or car, etc. People are more interested in the scandals. It is juicy, meatier and and only bears the responsibility of telling your BFF. When someone tells you of a rough time, then you are in the know and feel a responsibility to help. Knowing this, the person who has to tell it, has a much easier choice to make: the opportunity of lie. If you tell people the real deal, they will judge you. There is an incredible amount of shame that is associated with having face the social media world (despite so many are half listening) so faking it thinking you are going to make it, is very inviting.

Bearing the Brunt of the Truth

The truth is very easy. We teach our children to tell the truth. We ask our friends and partners to be truthful with us. So where did social media take such a turn? We are all FRIENDS right? Mostly, we are fans in a gigantic stadium rooting for the same team. The roar of the crowd when something new comes out, when someone writes something that we can share and make us be in the front row to see all the action. That is the truth however hidden in there is a bigger truth. We all are people who have lives and sometimes we are successful and sometimes we fail. Sometimes we just cannot make it no matter how hard we try and sometimes we bring it on ourselves through embarking on things that are bigger than we are. We are humans. We are all students of life.

The Cardinal Sin of Social Media

The cardinal sin of social media is talking about yourself. I suppose but, if we are all supposed to listen, then who is talking? How are we making friends? How can we ever learn anything about anyone unless we talk? Sure, we can put things up on our profiles and that is going to bear the truth. Really? We write what we think will rank us, will attract people to us as ultimately, the power behind social media is the numbers. We say it is not true but yet if we do not have “friends”/followers we have no voice and if we have no voice, then we are not heard. If we are not heard, then we do not matter anyway. I have never met anyone that I felt I knew until we just started talking and talking and talking. Their profile told a story of what they thought they needed to say but their inner voice tells the story of who they really are.

Shamefully Breaking the Rules

Rules are made for a reason and a purpose. Those that I deem breakable, I do. I, at this point, have little choice here but to beak the cardinal rule of social media and talk about me. This is not easy as with my vanity issues, nothing is easy to say. Nothing is easy to admit as once you do there is no going back and there is an expectation of sorts that someone will care. However, saying it is accepting it and growth starts there. Change starts there. The dawning of a new day starts here:

It is no secret that in July, I relocated back to New Jersey from Las Vegas. To many, this seemed very fast as one day I was in Nevada and literally the next day I was gone.  While I eluded to it in the biggest unkept secret, it was not a fast move. The intricate details, while many want to hear the juicy gossip, they are unnecessary. However, I could just not up and move with my son. There are legal issues that must be handled and the fees associated with that over 2 years are obscene more than a small business-single parent home could ultimately handle. I am filled with so much shame and embarrassment that tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I have to continue because if I do not, I am giving in to the opportunity of the lie and not the opportunity of truth. More was going out than what was coming in. I did my best to keep up but as the legal bills grew and grew and toppled over $20K, and the client billables diminished and with my son being home half of the day, I held my head up high and did my best. I tapped into family financial resources just to get by month after month. I could not quit as I knew that the best place for my son was with family and friends, in an education system that he could thrive in and playing sports that he loves so much. I had to keep fighting and ultimately I won the battle but I lost the war. I lost the war of being a successful business owner.

Dawning of  A New Day

My new day starts now. I look back on the clients that went out of business this past year, the projects that were awarded to others and how the hell I got to this point. I got here because I refused to admit that things were bad. I refused to accept that I could not keep up as I am a fighter. I broke down a few times and was exhausted and overwhelmed but I kept on trucking. As many are scratching their heads wondering why I did not speak up or those that had an idea are staring and thinking I should have listened harder, I was too proud and the never say die mode took over. I knew that at some point the end was coming and then finally, in July, I knew that  if I could get through the last hearing without any hitches, I would be free. I also knew that if this one project came in all would be ok. I was in the final round and against one other company. I lost that battle last night and, now, without a doubt have a jobby. I am filled with so much shame as I can barely look at myself as I know there will be whispers and a big fat scarlet letter of failure. Admitting is the first step in asking for help. I failed me and I failed everyone that reads this blog. I have been having difficulties with writing lately as I felt like a fool writing a blog each day and not telling the truth. I was pretending that all was perfect when it was not. I have lived in the fantasy world that I could turn this around or quietly I could look for a job. Sounds silly as we know we get hired when we have an army behind us helping us and steering us in the right direction.

The Next Steps

The next steps are hitting the ground running and getting a job. I am sure that many hiring managers are screaming no no, do not post this. You are ruining your chances. Maybe I am but maybe I am opening up new doors of opportunity. If someone reads this and does not want to hire me, then I accept that as really they would have seen it all on the resume and had to ask the questions that are answered above anyway. I cannot change what happened nor would I ever doubt the choice I made in moving. I am the happiest I have been in years, I am more focused and confident in my abilities and know what my strengths and weaknesses are. I know what a good fit for me is and what is not. I know that where ever I land I will bring the best of me because anything short of that is not in my DNA.

My son, after the longest summer break will be returning to school tomorrow, and, all day for 1st grade. It is a bit bittersweet as we have been together A LOT this past year but a new chapter awaits me. Tomorrow brings a whole new me and while the wallet is thinner than a leaf, my mind, my heart and eagerness to start anew are bigger than a New Hampshire pine.

I know with my “no stopping me now drive” and the social media community we will get er done and over the next few days the process begins. First up, skill set and what I bring to the table. Hope to see you here tomorrow!

photo credit:  Mara 1

  • I am so proud of you for posting this. It takes courage to stand up and tell the world what is “really” going on. One thing…you did not fail! You were and are a successful business person. the fact that the economy took a crap has nothing to do with your success or the downfall of your clients. Any company would be lucky to have you. I’m sorry for your loss of a friend and of the opportunity you were so much looking forward to. 

    • You know it was not easy. You have been there through it all with me. Hell you have been there since 2002 when I was kidless. You were always there to lend a hand, a soothing ear and a voice of reason.

      I had to do this as if not then I was cutting myself off from opportunities and also having to explain it. I sat on it over night and read it over a million times and then hit the post button and ran away from the computer. The only place to go from here is up.

  • There are so many moments of strength you are exempting from this tale. You are still harder on yourself than anyone else ever could be.

    • Yes, you are correct. Being what feels so far removed it, I see where I could have done more but when you are in the thick of it, you do not always see all the open windows. At the time, I did the best I could with the situations as they came. I just have to stop staring at the 2 people in the mirror and make them one. The person I will be.

      I have to be harder on myself as I grow from and learn from it. Guess the Monday Quarterback syndrome comes into play a lot.

      Thanks Margie!

  • We are going to find you a job! WE CAN DO THIS!! xo I love you! 

    • We can and we will. I am very confident in me and those around me. See the funny thing about telling the right people, they listen and help. For me it is not so much social MEdia, it is social USdia or is it WEdia.

      Love you too! xo